I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
