What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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