Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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