I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Alive.
So much puke
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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