We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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