Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
