Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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