I think I died a long time ago.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
