i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
