I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
