Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
