And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
