Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
