also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
