I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize