They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
