There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
