That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
