My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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