Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are all done wearing pants today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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