5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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