just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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