You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
