My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
