well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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