Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so let's talk penis.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
