I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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