we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
