Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
