He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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