Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
