in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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