we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
