I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
