if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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