It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
