I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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