just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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