Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
