apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
