if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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