she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
