I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
