So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
