you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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