using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
