Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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