ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hippo gnu deer
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
