all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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