She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
