I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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