Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
