People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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