I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
