It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
