I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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