You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize