my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
