she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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