sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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