I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
