bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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