I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
