Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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