If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
