Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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