he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
