My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
