You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
