so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i would punch a child for taco bell
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
