you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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