I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
