hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
