this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
