Pants 0. Shit 1.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
