fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
