I got chris browned last night
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
