I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
