I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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