Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
