i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
